Grieving For Children – Grieving for you

grief and loss
Spa still life with water lily and zen stone in a serenity pool

It is hard to contemplate what the loss of your own child must feel like. Even though you may have faced losing a loved one that is close to you, it is a very different issue when it comes to losing your own child. On one hand, you have always considered that you would be gone before your child and one can’t imagine the pain that is caused when facing this loss.

The agony of one’s heart after losing a child is such a dramatic change in events that your life will be changed forever. There is one truth and one constant in life, that you are born and that you will pass when it is your time, but considering when that call will come either by a divine act or an others act of free will is often something that you would never have contemplated.

Here is the truth, we are all children of someone, and so even those who have gone before us are also children of someone. Would it be too cruel to think that losing a child is very much the same as any type of loss or grief that you could face, loss is loss and no matter how it is felt in someone’s life – It is equally debilitating. The shock of it can and will make you more withdrawn; no one can comprehend the volume of emotions that pulsate through you, and you certainly do not want sympathy. All you want is your son or daughter back in your loving arms and yet this is the same with anyone that you have lost. Grief is just part of the journey.

Loss is Loss – Anger is allowed

Many times during the grief process, one will enter a phase of anger. That anger is manifested from different angles such as the anger you face within yourself and the anger that you will have with others around you or even the anger you will have with God. Though it would seem unnatural to feel this and many within your immediate environment would consider this a failing in your feeling for your grief. The truth is that you are allowed to feel this way and it is an important aspect of the grieving process. You must feel a level of acceptance – not only with yourself but with your inner emotions. When you move through this phase of grief, you will begin to feel relief that comes with acceptance.

Accepting the circumstance

Acceptance is something that we learn and it’s one of the hardest lessons in life. Like compassion and love, it is often the word that is glibly spoken without deeper understanding. To accept yourself and your circumstances is letting go and loving yourself beyond your perception. Accepting a situation or a personal circumstance means that you will not harbour those negative emotions that cause so many issues within your life. Therefore, you are well on the journey on the grief train and you are coming into a town called acceptance. Look how beautiful the scenery is, this is something you have control upon and can paint your own picture. You are the artist of your own canvas.

Becoming The Teacher

You are also your own teacher, you alone have the power to learn from your grief and you can teach yourself how to live with it and learning from it helps you to understand it. No one can be your teacher even though many will step forward and offer their wisdom to help you. You must understand that it is from their own perception, and yes part of that will include experience, but let’s not forget that each and every experience is based on their experience alone and no one experience is the same for we are all different and unique and feel things differently. So what are we left with; the sum total of everyone’s experience to learn from or an understanding of the experiences that we may be facing in order to move through our journey through grief. Perhaps just believing in these simple truths will allow you to become teacher and student – allowing you to come to accept the inevitable and change the circumstance to a positive aspect of your life.


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  1. I just read the article on Don’t Label Grief by Jock Brocas. Very interesting and put well together. Also very helpful in hopes we deal with grief. I agree with what he was explaining the only one that I can’t is the loss of a child. Especially when you’re the mother that carried your child for the months until giving birth. The treasured years of nurturing and preparing your child or children for the world ahead. I’m one of those mothers that I lived my life for my two children. The love and bond between a mother and her children is the strongest love of all. Seven years ago tragedy came into our life’s. The passing of my beautiful 27 year old daughter. Yes I have been to taken many approaches with therapy. Different types of doctors and have found no relief. My only relief is my strong faith in God, my church and support from family and friends. My greatest relief is my son what is now 31 years old. Siblings feel the pain and emptiness with this loss. The big sister who he always respected and loved. His best friend and I see the pain in his eyes everyday. I can even feel his struggles in my heart that only a mother could sense. Our children grew in our womb and their is no stronger bond than this. I have had many loved ones called before me and I have grieved. I still miss so many of family and friends all different ages even our family pets. Just two years ago the loss of my dad who I was so close to and loved him so much. I miss my dad very much but my daughter is unbareable. So Joch I hope you understand that there is a difference between a woman and a man. With respect please don’t label grief. Sincerely broken hearted mother

    • Hi There Debbie,

      Firstly, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I can’t comprehend your pain, but my prayers and my thoughts are sent to you to bring a little more light to an already tragic and terrible form of grief. God Bless.


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