Fear of Dying – Fear Of Living
Fear is an emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives, but most people do not comprehend that fear is also embodied within our grief journey. This fear when not recognized gives seeds to other emotions such as anger, guilt, regret and remorse. All of these emotions invade when you have lost a loved one and often it is very difficult to recognize the emotions as being separate and a cause of one which may lead to the other.
Fear is such a destructive emotion and more so when you may find yourself alone or for want of a better analogy, your root and branch of your favorite tree has been cut off. Your security blanket has been ripped off and you start to face all sorts of bombardment from negative thoughts within your mind, and these thoughts never serve you well.
Fear and Anger
It’s all part of the illusion that blocks communication.
You may wonder why you never feel your loved ones near you or why, when you hear that someone else has an amazing experience of the afterlife that you don’t. The truth is that you could be blocking yourself and when one thinks of fear, we automatically consider an emotion that is negative and even when you deny that you have no fear – You do and you have to face it.
There are many variations of fear within grief and each has an attachment to another particular emotion whether it be anger, regret, remorse or sadness, there is an element of fear that holds you back. In particular we often fear things that we feel are out of our control and that also is a type of fear that causes you to feel weak within yourself.
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of living your life without your loved ones
- Fear of life
- Fear of guilt
- Fear of Disengaging
- Fear of the material
- Fear of the spiritual
Many counsellors will often consider fear to be the same as anxiety. However, I would like to put another hypothesis forward and suggest that anxiety is a product of your fear. The very nature of fear means we actually fear – fear. And so, the cycle continues and you create a fog around you that is impenetrable to your loved ones in spirit. Fear is a natural part of you, it is the essence of your own being that teaches you valid lessons of spiritual growth. The next by product of this destructive emotion is of course, the anger. Anger of being left alone, angry with God, Angry with family and angry with yourself, and that evolves from within you and this emotion gives more strength to your anxiety. Oftentimes, in this particular stage, we can feel so dejected from humanity and distance from love that life does not look like it is worth living. Your anger has fed the fear, the fear has fed the anger and both have exacerbated the anxiety.
You can’t feel or hear if you fear
It is for these reasons that you will not be able to have that communion with your loved ones that you desire because of your fear and anger or even the responsibility that you take upon yourself or the guilt that also arises from within you. Of course some people move through this phase quickly, but others lock themselves in shackles manifested from within. Now is the time to break those shackles of bondage that you have created and learn to communicate to your emotions in order to communicate to your loved ones.
Coming to understand and be compassionate to yourself and your fear.
So how do we move through this and how do we learn acceptance of your fear? You must accept this as part of you and learn to communicate to your own being so that you reach that understanding within. IT’s part of your emotional code, and also is related to lessons that you must learn. We need fear just like we need the ego, but we have to understand fear in order to learn the language of the soul. Once this is done, then we can finally let go of fear and join with our loved ones when we let go. I know it is easier said than done. The first stage is to allow yourself to fear, and don’t think its a bad thing. Accept it as you would hold a crying child in your arm and carry it with love to quiet that fear within.
Start To Write To You
Have a grief journal and note all the times when you fear, and begin to write down your real feelings without having to explain yourself to anyone. Each time you finish your writing, no matter how short or how long it is; finish with an affirmation that you allow your fear and your anger to move through and past you like a gentle breeze. Do not fight it, visualize it moving through you and write it to you. No one needs to know, but its time to let go.
Talk To Your Fear
When you feel those emotions rising again within you. Take some time to just be – talk to your fear, talk to your anger or any other emotion. Say something within such as
I realize that fear, you are there and i accept that lesson, but you can’t stay. Leave now in love and blow forward in a spirits breeze. Good Bye Fear!
Something like this for every emotion will help you to move beyond and create the space for positivity, love, compassion and understanding. The very energy that spirit can reach you.
Breathe Through Your Fear!
The breath is the very essence of life and is divine in nature. It is also the keys to your emotions and they key to controlling your fear. And here is the communication secret, the breath is also the key to communication.
We often take breathing for granted, it is a natural response and something we do without conscious thought. However, when we bring the mindfulness of our breathing from our consciousness, wonderful things ensue. In the last exercise I gave in the previous column, we talked about deep breathing. Now we can take this one step further to help you with your fear and your anger.
When you feel those emotions arising within you, it is important to recognize them and validate them without feeding them. You can also take some time to become aware of the breath and this time breathe deeply in and exhale deeply. When you reach that space between the in breath and the out breath, in that space you let go. Visualize your negative emotions all floating away on balloons – carried by a loving breeze. Do this 3 times in succession and then stop. Each time you do this when you feel those emotions you will be realigning yourself with the real divine energy that is your true self. This is one of the first stages to learning to move through elements of your grief that allow you to feel the love you thought you lost. They are there and they are waiting, feel the fear and let it leave.
Blessing to you all.